Savannah's Busy Book

If I had to choose one word to describe my two-year-old over the past few months it would be ‘busy’.  She’s full of energy, but it’s not really the hyperactive, running, jumping all the time kind; she just always needs to have her hands and brain engaged.  

She loves to line up her toys, stack all sorts of objects into “beautiful block towers”, take things out of one container and put them into another, to zip and unzip, snap and unsnap, button and unbutton.  She also loves take her little toy animals and people and make up hilarious little scenarios, and her favorite ones involve mommies and their babies. (Can you tell she spends most of her time around a pregnant woman?)

This year for Christmas I wanted to make Savannah a special present and that’s where I got the idea for a busy book.  I created a Pinterest board (isn't that how all good projects start?) and scoured the internet for ideas.  I mapped out about 20 pages to make, and then ordered some felt, snaps, rivets, and glue online for a friend to stick in his suitcase.  My supplies arrived in the beginning of December and I dedicated Savannah’s naps and my evenings to creating a fun book for my daughter’s busy little hands.

In the end I did not get anywhere near 20 pages done, but I’m actually glad I didn't   She LOVES the 7 pages I made and plays with her “special book” pretty much every day.  I made the book so that it’s really easy to add new pages and I’m planning on expanding it a page or two at a time for special presents or as a surprise on long trips – we seem to have no shortage of those in our family!

I didn't use any patterns for any of the pages or pieces, which meant cutting every shape and number freehand.  I also didn't use my sewing machine because I didn't really know how to get all of the tiny pieces of felt just right with it and because I wanted to use cute blanket stitches, so every stitch is hand sewn.  I had a ball summoning all of my creative energy and whimsy and my dear daughter couldn't love it more!

 Page 1 - A rainbow puzzle that velcros together

Page 2 - Flowers with petals that velcro on and off and tuck into the pocket.  In a tribute to one of my favorite kids books I added a very hungry caterpillar and a beautiful butterfly.

 Page 3 - Shapes that match and snap and tuck into the pocket from an old pair of jeans.

Page 4 - A zipper pocket made from bright African fabric filled with double sided strips that can snap together into chain links, letters, shapes, or even end to end.

 Page 5 - Buttons that slide back and forth on ribbons with different shapes on the ends.

 Page 6 - Savannah LOVES ladybugs so this page has three little babies that can come in and out of the zipper pouch and even tuck under the mommy ladybugs wings. 

 Page 7 - Snapping balloons on ric-rac stems.

I've already got a button page done for our trip to the US in March and I'm hoping to add another one before we go, so stay tuned for more busy fun :-)

More than I do!

When I was pregnant with Savannah I never worried about how she was doing.  She was safe in my belly, growing every day, snuggled in tight.  When we lost our second baby last May, my world was changed in so many ways.  I mourned the loss of our tiniest Atkins - all of the potential of who he or she could’ve grown to be and the ways our family would’ve been changed.  It helped to know our precious little sweetie was in the best place possible, and even though I would not have the privilege of knowing the little one now, we would have eternity to spend catching up.

Ever since the beginning of the new year I’ve found my thoughts wandering to the new tiny life growing in my belly.  Our second baby’s due date was December 25th, and as that day came and went, my thoughts turned to the memories I have of Savannah when she was new – her rounded little back, her tiny features, and even nursing her around the clock. 

Snuggling my tiny newborn early in the morning

I love our newest tiny blessing, and even though I’m in well into the 4th month with a nicely rounding bump, I find myself wondering.  Wondering if the baby is ok, if I’ll have the opportunity to hold and nurture this little one, if this pregnancy will end with empty arms and another tender place in my heart.

  
I shared struggle with a good friend and fellow missionary yesterday.  She was so truthful and encouraging, and as I read the words in her email one truth jumped out at me - God loves my children more than I do.  Sometimes I act as if that’s impossible.  I plead with the Lord as though I need to bargain with Him for their welfare.  I forget that their creator, sustainer, and savior does indeed love them more than I could ever imagine.  Before they were ever mine, they were His, and long after I’m done raising them and they leave my home they will still be His precious children.
  

Me and my big girl on Christmas Day

Of course I still long to be the mother of many children; to love and cherish them and raise them to know and love the Lord.  I long to know this little one; but last night as I lay down to fall asleep, one thought drowned out all others – God loves my children more than I do.  As I let that truth sink in deep I felt a little kick, and another, and another, and another.  I hadn’t felt the baby move for sure for several weeks, and as tears of joy rolled down my cheeks I knew that no matter how much I love this child, I’ll never even be able to imagine the depth of God’s love.  No matter what happens, my children are His precious sons and daughters and they belong in His hands. 

Singing with my sweet Savannah

My Sunday Afternoon Creations

Lately every Sunday I get the urge to create.  Sunday is a fairly quiet day in our house.  Jason doesn't go to work, I cook very simple meals, and we have lots of intentional soul care time.  After church we listen to podcasts, read tons of books to our daughter, play outside, make fantastic playdough and block tower creations, and Jason and I both make a point to do something restful and energizing.

For the month leading up to Christmas I had been spending all of my spare time working on Savannah’s busy book (more about that later), but yesterday I wanted to make a simple project that I could start and finish in an hour or so - something pretty and useful.   Usually I would pick up a hook or some needles and ball of yarn, but yesterday I got out my sewing machine.  

I am a very novice seamstress and somehow sewing anything always takes about 27 times longer than I think it should, but yesterday I was overflowing with the confidence only Pinterest can bring; so I pulled out some bright, African fabric and dove in.  To my great surprise, a few hours later I had not 1 but 2 fully lined, zipper close-able  very useful little bags.  

I made the tiny one first and it's just perfect to hold Savannah's treasured Elmo cell phone.  The large one holds all of her little people.  She's really into organizing and she loves that she can zip and unzip them herself.

There’s nothing like making something functional and useful with my own two hands to refresh my spirit!  I love that creativity in all of its many forms reflects the very image of our wonderfully imaginative God :-)

Thoughts from Evacu-cation

Evacuation…  I’ve always known that it could be a possibility.  Like I read in a news article this morning: “In truth, there hardly is a country in Africa where the army represents such a great danger for peace and stability as in Guinea Bissau. For the third time in two years the country will now have to embark on another post-coup transition.”

While I’ve always know that we could have to pack our lives, hop in the car, and head for the Senegalese border, the reality of doing it is hard to get used to.  Now that we’re starting our fourth day in Senegal, I’ve been able to switch out of survival mode and the processing part of my brain is finally starting to catch up with me :-)

Jason, ever the optimist, is calling our unplanned escape “Evacu-cation 2012”.  I understand why – we found a great deal and we’re splitting a beautiful bungalow by the beach with another missionary family; we have hot water, there are flowers everywhere, and even a pool!  On the outside this deserves every bit of the “vacation” side of Jason’s hyphenated name.  In our hearts though, the concept of being on vacation is a hard one to get used to.

There are things about evacuation that I always thought would be hard.  Even though we have a tiny apartment, you can’t pack three people’s whole lives into one suitcase.  There are lots of things you have to leave behind and I am a bit sad that I didn’t grab my recipe box and my Creole notebook.  On the other hand, God has given us so much grace for the tough decisions we’ve had to make, and even while we were packing it seemed easy to take the most important stuff and let everything else go.  

Leaving our friends wasn’t so easy.  As we said goodbye to the National Director of YFC Guinea-Bissau, who is a very close friend of ours, tears spilled down my cheeks as I told him how heartbroken I was to leave.  He said that when a family has problems there comes a time when the problems get so serious that everyone else has to leave and the family has to sit down and deal with them.  He went on to say that the problems in Guinea-Bissau are of their own creation and now is the time for Guineans to deal with them.  He also said that it was a load off of his mind to have us go because if something big did happen he wouldn't have to worry about us since foreigners are always targets in times of uncertainty.

While we’re fully expecting that this conflict will be resolved in a matter of days or weeks and we’ll be able to go back to our normal lives in the country we love, we also have to deal with the possibility that it could be months, or even years before we’ll be able to head back to Guinea-Bissau.  When we arrived in Africa nearly six years ago everything felt so foreign and I cried out to God to give my heart a home in this strange land.  He answered that prayer in so many ways, and while I’m so grateful, it also makes this process that much harder.

Our hearts and our prayers are with the people of Guinea-Bissau.  The country needs change.  The people are tired of war.  They are tired of poverty and suffering and fear.  We know that God often does His greatest work in times of great uncertainty and we’re trusting God for miracles in our little corner of West Africa!  

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— 
   where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the LORD, 
   the Maker of heaven and earth.


He will not let your foot slip— 
   he who watches over you will not slumber; 
indeed, he who watches over Israel 
   will neither slumber nor sleep.


The LORD watches over you— 
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 
the sun will not harm you by day, 
   nor the moon by night.


The LORD will keep you from all harm— 
   he will watch over your life; 
the LORD will watch over your coming and going 
   both now and forevermore.


-Psalm 121

Just to make you smile

A while ago I was teaching some of my students about writing simple, clear sentences. They always want to write these long, flowery, verbose things and consequentially, their writing is very difficult to understand. I asked them to write three simple sentences about their favorite sport. This guy cracked me up, so I thought I would share it with you.

“The sport that I like the most is swimming. Swimming allows you to exercise your entire body. Unfortunately, I can’t swim.”

Just to make sure you're smiling, here are a few recent pictures of our little ham :-)

"yum, yum, yum, I love Cheerios!"

"The ocean is awesome!"

"One of my favorite pastimes - seeing who can roar the loudest, me or Daddy!"

"I LOVE food!!!!"

"For me! You shouldn't have!"

"Super baby!!!"

"Mush, Daddy!"

"iPhones, handy and also delicious!"

"Yes, if fact I am too cool for school!"

"Yup, I'm 11 months old - look at me go!!!"

Gina's Boys

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
-Psalm 27:13-14

That's what I read this morning, and after I read it, I couldn't stop thinking about the woman I met on Sunday at church. Her name was Gina and she came in with the cutest little boys. Same height, toddling right on her heels, two years old. They started dancing around, and Savannah was watching them and squealing, so Gina and I struck up a conversation.

When Gina was pregnant she knew there was more than one baby. She was huge, and her stomach never stopped moving. Her husband worked for the government, so even though he showed up to work everyday most months he didn't get paid his salary. About halfway through her pregnancy she had to stop working because she could hardly stand and she was retaining so much fluid that she couldn't even close her hands to grasp anything. Her midwife got scared. She told Gina that she was going to die if she didn't give her money to go and perform ceremonies involving demon worship. Gina refused. She said that she was in the hand of God. Her midwife continued to tell her she was going to die everyday.

When her labor started, her midwife was expecting the worst. One baby came, then the next, then the next. Triplets!!! No C-section, no drama, no problems. Three healthy babies, one healthy mother. The midwife was amazed and that day she gave her life to the Lord. Gina was confident that she would see God's goodness and even when she didn't know how things would turn out, she was completely content waiting on Him.

I wish her story ended there; but there were only two little boys with her on Sunday. After the boys' first birthday, one of them got sick. He had a high fever and wouldn't stop vomiting. She took him to the hospital and found out that he had malaria and was severely dehydrated. They started treatment and then left him alone for hours, waiting for a bribe to come back into the room. Gina begged them to come and look at him again when he became lethargic and blood was climbing up the IV tube that was supposed to be giving him nutrients. In the end, he died in front of her. As she looked at me with tears in her eyes (and quite a few in mine as well) her face lit up with a huge smile and she said, “I don't have a single complaint against God for what happened to my son. All my life, He has taken care of me and He knows better than I do what my son needed. My son is with Him, and I will see him again. Right now I look at my other sons and I know I am blessed, but even if they were all taken away from me I would still know that I am blessed.”

I was floored by Gina's faith and strength. I was inspired by her joy; and I was humbled. After we chatted a while longer I sat down with Savannah and all I could think about was Romans 5:3-4:
We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Nobody likes suffering. Nobody likes pain and hurt and disappointment, but when we invite Jesus to come into our suffering, to be with us in our hurt, that's when suffering produces perseverance; and when God gives us the strength to persevere, we develop character; and from the fiber of our character, springs hope. Gina was filled with it.

Sometimes in the middle of our hurt we turn from God. We shut Him out and all we have is pain. God waits for us to invite Him in, so that He can change us. God has used so many difficult things in my life to make me who I am; to teach me more about myself and more about Him. I don't know what pain will come in my future, but I do know that God can use it to strengthen me and to make hope fill my heart and shine from my face. I am confident that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and I'm waiting on Him.

It's not easy to get a good picture on a camera phone in a dark room :-) Gina and her two boys. Their names are in Balanta (her tribal language) but they translate to "God loves us" and "God loves you". The one who died was named "God loves me"

Lord, Show Your Power!

A few days ago I was reading First Corinthians and I was struck by something in a new way. Paul opens chapter 2 with these words:
“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.”
-1st Corinthians 2:1-5

As I read this, many questions started swirling around in my head. How many times have I prayed that God would give me just the right words? How many hours have I spent planning out exactly what I would say before I speak to a church in the US or a group of women here in Bissau? How many days have I spent praying that God would give me the clearest, most impactful words to share the gospel with a friend of family member?

All of that is certainly part of it, but if that's all I do to prepare, then I've missed the point entirely. Paul doesn't want the faith of the people to rest on man's wisdom. Why? Because it's insufficient. I don't want the message that God gives me to rest on my eloquence. Why? Because it's not enough. People's lives are not going to be changed by the Gospel unless the Holy Spirit comes with power. If I want to see lives transformed, I need to spend far less time searching for the perfect simile and far more time on my knees before an almighty God.

I was thinking about this when I gave Savannah her bath last night. Just this past week she's started to make the transition from playing in the water to playing with the water. While I was sitting next to the tub, she abandoned the rubber ducky that she had been vigorously squeaking between her gums, and decided that it was about time to check out this wet stuff she was surrounded by. She stared at the water carefully, leaned her head all the way to the side a few times, opened her hands and prepared herself. Then, slap, her arms sprang into action like a pouncing lion and her hands smacked each other as the water evaded her grasp. With a confused look on her face she tried again and again and again with the same lack of success.

What Savannah doesn't know is that you can't grab the water the same way that you grab a ball or a doll. It's not something you can pick up and turn around and examine from every angle like her toys. What we forget, is that the Gospel of Jesus Christ isn't reducible to a scripted sales pitch. The life changing power of the Holy Spirit, like the water in Savannah's bath, isn't something that can be grasped with my hand and controlled. No matter how long I stare at the words I want to say, carefully crafting them into the message I want to deliver; no matter how enthusiastic and ready I am; no matter how much I want to make an impact; like Savannah, I end up with a handful of nothing if I'm doing it on my own.

Being a Mom in Guinea-Bissau

For the past week, my little 8 month-old Savannah has been saying “mom”. She doesn't know what it means, but it still melts my heart! Hearing her say my name got me thinking about the adventure of motherhood that started about a year and a half ago.


When I got pregnant with Savannah people asked me if I was nervous because I was going to be pregnant so long without going to the doctor. People asked me if I was worried about flying so much while I was pregnant. People asked me if I was scared about giving birth. People asked me if I was worried about bringing such a small baby back to Africa. People asked me all kinds of things, and much to their surprise the answer to pretty much all of their questions was no. As soon as we found out that we were having a baby I had a tremendous peace about the pregnancy and about her health and safety growing up in Africa.

Maybe I should've been a little nervous. Guinea-Bissau is one of the 5 poorest countries in the world, and because of that, disease and malnutrition run rampant. It was recently listed as the worst place in the world to be a mother, in part because of the high infant and child mortality. In Guinea-Bissau 10% of children die before their first birthday and 20% die before they reach the age of 5. In the US, those stats are 0.6% and 0.8%.

The thing is, I knew that God called Jason and I here. I knew that God gave us this baby. I knew that God loves her more I ever could. I knew that God could take care of my baby just as well here as He could in the US. And, I knew that if all that was true then God had a plan for this little girl that involved this time in Guinea-Bissau.

Sweet baby fresh out of the bath :-)

The thing that no one asked me was if I thought that I would be a good mom in Africa. That was the thing I wondered about. I knew that God could take care of my baby, what I didn't know is if I would be able to adjust to all that goes along with being a missionary in a third world country and being a mom.

Going from a family of two to a family of three is a huge step anywhere. Making the change from consulting only each other when making plans, to planning the whole day (and night) around a tiny unpredictable thing that can't even talk and changes every day, is a big adjustment! Add to that cloth diapers that dry on a line, cooking from scratch for all of our and her meals, no pediatrician around to answer all of my questions, and all of the work it takes just living in west africa, and that's a lot. Add to that the fact that we live so far away from our family so we don't have them around to babysit for, help with, or generally love on our baby girl. Add to that living in a culture that raises their children completely differently than my own and the stress of constantly having to decide when I'm going to be African and when I'm going to be American; and how in the world to be American in the middle of Africa. Roll all of that up into a big ball and plunk it in the lap of someone who likes to do things right and who doesn't thrive on surprises and uncertainty, and you see my dilemma.

Drying diapers on the line

Weighing Savannah with a luggage scale, Sydney's leash, and a bucket

Baby girl LOVES to eat!!!

Savannah will be nine months old this week, and since she came over to Guinea-Bissau when she was three months old she has now spent almost twice as much of her life in Africa as in America. I guess now's as good a time as any to ask myself how I'm doing.

I had to develop a little thicker skin when I was chastised for not feeding my five month old every two hours all night, or for bringing my non-walking baby outside in the 90 degree weather without socks and shoes on. I had to relax a little bit about Savannah's schedule when one of our neighbors passed away and women were wailing outside of our house for 48 hours. I had to offend some of my students when they come over two hours late to pick up their assignments and I couldn't see them because I was giving my baby a bath and then going to read her a story and nurse her and put her down for the night and I wasn't willing to be interrupted just because they didn't come on time.

Grading papers with my assistant on my knee and our faithful dog, Sydney

But, even with all of that, I'd say it's going really well. Savannah is growing like a weed, adapting like a pro to every little thing that comes along, and I am happy and confident. Is that because I, all of a sudden, discovered that I have amazing, previously untapped, mothering super powers? No, I don't think so. Partially I think it's because Jason and I both grew up with such amazing, dedicated mothers that set wonderful examples of mothering with grace and joy. And for the rest of it, I'm convinced that just like God had a purpose for Savannah growing up in Africa, He also had a purpose for me being a mom here. Even with all of things that I was uncertain about, everything is just working, and even going smoothly. God truly does give us grace for every situation exactly when we need it (and not a moment too soon!) and I'm so grateful to Him for the blessing of my little family here in Guinea-Bissau!

Savannah wants to touch EVERYTHING that mommy touches! Here she's learning a valuable lesson about reading labels :-)

Story time with Mommy, before Savannah was old enough to sit up.

Wow, knitting is confusing! Don't worry, Savannah, you'll get it!

My Mother's Eyes

My daughter has my mother's eyes and it's wonderful and sad all at the same time. There's nothing like becoming a mom to make you realize how much you still need to learn from your own, and when I look into the adoring eyes of my biggest tiny fan I miss my mom so much! It's always been hard living an ocean away from my family – missing big events and so many little hugs – but it's even harder now that I have so much joy that I want to share with them.

My daughter is amazing. She laughs and cries and squeals and goos and shrieks with joy at the sight of me. She loves her life! She found her feet last week and ever since then she can't stop grabbing them. She started eating off of a spoon this month and every time she even sees a bib she gasps in delight. She's been working for months at perfecting her motoboat noise and now that she's finally got it, she does it whenever she's really happy to see someone.

As I marvel at this little miracle God has entrusted to me, I am amazed at how strong my need is to cherish and take care of her. When I look into her tiny little face and see the lacy blue eyes of my mother staring back at me I realize over and over again how blessed I am.

Happy mother's day Mom! I love you :-)

This is what was waiting for me when I got out of the shower this morning :-)

Birthday Girl

Well we have a 14 year-old mother of 5 living with us. 14 in dog years that is - Happy 2nd birthday to our Australian Cattle Dog, Sydney.

Syd likes to sleep on soft things, but when we got back we couldn't find the little rug that we had for her. I looked in all of the stores here but no one has rugs right now. I bought her a hand towel, but it just gets all wadded up under her. I decided that for her birthday I wanted to do something nice for her.

I had some extra fabric from past projects laying around so I got online and figured out how to crochet a rag rug - there was only one problem, I didn't have a crochet hook big enough for the job. Never fear, Jason to the rescue! I described what I needed and he whittled it for me out of a wood scrap from the shop. Then I ripped the fabric into strips, attached them together, and got to work.

Jason got the hook made in the morning and the rug took me about 3 days. We gave it to Sydney yesterday and she cuddled up right on it. We also gave her a bone and Jason got this picture of her this morning.

Now that this rug was such a success it makes me want to make tons more! Since rugs aren't available here I talked to some of my Guinean friends about the possibility of teaching women how to make them and they thought it was a great idea. I'll probably make a few more first and get all of the kinks worked out, but I'm pretty excited about the possibility already! First I've got to get the curtains finished in the kitchen though :-)